The 20th annual Elders Dinner was recently held at Turning Stone Resort and Casino. The venue in the Oneida Room with its elegant chandeliers and magnificent accommodations was a far cry from the first dinner at the old Bingo Hall on Territory Road. While the location may have changed, the camaraderie evinced sure hasn’t. Families and friends gathered to celebrate and feast… and laugh.

Kicking off the event was Nation Representative and CEO Ray Halbritter (Wolf Clan), who provided an overview of the successes of the past year. From noting the lauds received by the Health Center and praising the number of Oneida college graduates through the Nation’s scholarship program, to summarizing the accolades bestowed on the resort’s golf courses to updates on the PGA TOUR® Turning Stone Resort Championship, Ray extolled the progress of the Nation and its enterprises while never forgetting the reason for the event.

“We have to demonstrate our respect for our Elders; that’s why we do this [dinner],” said Ray. “We treasure those who went before us. We’ve been having this dinner for many years now. Some of the Elders are no longer with us. It’s important to come together for events like this dinner. We care about our people… treasure our people.”

More than 250 Oneidas and their guests attended the soirée and many offered their insights on important life lessons learned.

We’ll start with the coordinator of the dinner, Kathy Kuhl (Wolf Clan). She adheres to the belief that if “you want something done, do it yourself. I learned this growing up with 10 sisters and brothers. But I’ve also found that experience provides you with the greatest tool you can ever have.”

Exactly.

Now, Darlene and Nelson Jones Jr. (both Turtle Clan) have found the essence of their inspiration through their three children.

“If you do the right thing then good things will come to you, which all goes back to our kids,” said Darlene, to which her husband sagely agreed, adding, “I had to do what was right in order to set an example for the kids.”

Shirley Powless (Turtle Clan) wisely counseled, “You have to have acceptance of whatever is happening, good or bad. If you’ve got faith, you can get through it. It’s helped me so many times, even when I was young and looking for a job.”

Meanwhile, Adrienne George (Wolf Clan) offered a different type of pragmatism: timeliness. “When I was a girl, I got in trouble during school because I was late a few times. They told me to get up earlier. Ever since I’ve pretty much always been on time.”

Her daughter Barbara (Wolf Clan) was taught promptness from her mom, which she said she tries to stick to. “We have this concept of ‘Indian time,’ but that doesn’t go over well.”

Another George, Barbara’s uncle Ronald (Wolf Clan), looks to the teaching of his predecessors for wisdom. “I’ve learned from my ancestors the importance of bringing up and keeping your family together. It’s not that easy, especially in today’s society.”

Marilyn George (Wolf Clan) reiterated her brother Roland’s sentiments regarding adhering to close family ties. As a single mother, she brought up two children working two or three jobs. “I’ve survived on my own, and I’m independent, very independent. I hate to ask anybody for anything.”

Another of the George sisters, Diane Seidenfus (Wolf Clan), falls back on her inner strength. “I gained that from my mother. Persevere in situations and rely on inner strength to get through them.”

Connie Rohr and her three daughters – Pam Hjort, Debbie Carey and Rhonda Berger (all Turtle Clan) – each voiced lessons they’ve taken through life.

Matriarch Connie shrewdly advised her girls when they were young to make their own judgments about people. “I had a relative who didn’t get along with the people I did, so I just went my own way. I didn’t let her opinion affect my friendships.”

Pam has embraced her mother’s advice, stating, “I don’t make judgments on people based upon others’ experience with them.”

Sister Debbie, the eldest, believes in hard work. “You can achieve a lot if you put work into it. I’ve always been a worker. It’s important in life to do your best and achieve all you can achieve.”

And baby sister Rhonda... well, she couldn’t quite decide what her life lesson was. But fear not. Older sister Pam was on hand to nudge her along, saying: “Rhonda’s always been a hard worker and too honest. In the fourth grade, she cried because she didn’t have her project done a week in advance. As soon as she got the instructions, the work had to be done.”

Rhonda concurred: “I am a hard worker, and I always tried to do well in school.”

Judy Kaulback (Turtle Clan) said she learned the value of family after her parents divorced. “I lived with my grandmother until my mother got a home and brought us all back together. When we were reunited, I learned just how important it was to be a family.”

Trust in faith was foremost on Shirl Oatman’s (Turtle Clan) list of what gets her through life. “Things sometimes just fall into place for me; God takes care of me.”

Politeness was the first lesson that popped into Will Kuhl’s (Wolf Clan) mind. “I say ‘Yes sir’ and ‘Yes Ma’am.’ My mother taught me that early.”
And where Will immediately thought of his effective use of words, Kathy Tinney (Turtle Clan) finds that silence can be her best bet. “I’ve learned to hold my tongue, especially when politicians start talking. You have to learn to play the game.”

Faith is paramount to many of those queried, including Kris Powless (Turtle Clan). “Just believing that somewhere along the way everything is going to come out alright. Faith is my strength, and my daughter is my heart.”

Tina Palermo Powless (Turtle Clan), the aforementioned daughter, credits her appreciation for her culture as an important life lesson. “That’s why I come to these things [the dinner] with my mom. I want to continue the appreciation for the older generations.”

With sagacious aplomb, Brenda Bush (Turtle Clan), one of the older generation Tina praised, was succinct with her assessment of what she’s learned in life: “Keep busy; it helps you stay young. And don’t worry about the little things.”

The theme of industrious agelessness continued with Linda Williams (Turtle Clan). “You’re never too old to learn. Since I came here to live I’ve learned to bead, make no face dolls and can speak a few words in Oneida.”

Again faith, and the strength it provides, resounded with Norma Fera (Turtle Clan) and her table mate Liz Babcock (Turtle Clan). The former stated unequivocally, “I don’t know what else would have gotten me through without faith.” Liz nodded in agreement, stating, “I could not live without my faith.”

A similar response was offered by Margaret Splain (Turtle Clan), who said, “I trust in my faith and listening to my instincts.”

Honesty was in the forefront of answers for Liz Robert (Wolf Clan), allowing that “it’s hard to be honest.”

Living life in the moment was Maija McLauglin’s (Turtle Clan) advice. “Don’t sweat the little things. Enjoy the events. Time goes by so fast. Enjoy what you have right now.”

Maija’s cousin Melissa McCann (Turtle Clan) has learned that hard work pays off in all areas of life. “You have to work hard to attain things, whether it’s school or your relationship with your kids. We work hard as a family unit to keep our cohesiveness. Nothing is ever for free.”

At a table tucked into the far corner of the spacious room, a family of sisters (all Turtle Clan) sat happily surrounded by friends and other family members. Each recounted their take on what matters in life.

“I believe what goes around comes around,” said Terri Smith.
Eldest sibling Wava Carpenter elaborated: “Treat everyone the way you want to be treated. I remember telling my kids, if they didn’t like a teacher, to learn what they can and go along; it won’t last forever.”

Wava’s daughter Deanne (Turtle Clan) shares her mom’s cheerful attitude, stating, “I think it’s important to be friendly. I’m always friendly with everybody.”

The virtue of patience was the initial response of Deanne’s aunt, Sheri “Cookie” Thomas. “It’s hard to have patience because it seems we’re always in a hurry to do things. But I also believe you have to have respect for others, especially your elders.”

On to another family.

Luanne Pierce (Turtle Clan) believes in respecting her elders. “My mother taught me that and I’ve taught it to my own children.”

Gloria Halbritter (Wolf Clan) passed on advice she received from her mother to her children as well. “My mother said never to make fun of old people or people who were unable to do things.”

Astute perspectives all.

What lesson has helped you navigate through life?